Alex Park knows all too well what it’s like.
From running every class schedule change by her mom, to frequent text message exchanges with her during class, Park says her mom could be considered a “helicopter parent.”
“She got mad one time when I didn’t text her back,” said Park, a junior at Seaholm. “[It’s always] ‘don’t forget this, don’t forget that.’”
Park says that the micromanaging has few limits. When she isn’t updating her mom on schoolwork, she is constantly checking in from wherever she is.
“She likes to know everything that’s going on at the very instant that it’s going on,” said Park.
Students like Park aren’t alone in what appears to be a growing trend of over-involved parents across the country. They plead with teachers to bump that B+ to an A-, they call for increased playing time in athletics, and they don’t take “no” for an answer.
The term “helicopter parent,” which describes the growing tendency of parents to micromanage the lives of their children, has found it’s way into newspapers, onto the news, and even has its own Wikipedia entry.
According to a recent survey of 76 Seaholm students on Facebook, nearly 20% believe their parents “are overly involved with [their] school life,” and it’s “annoying or embarrassing.”
“One of my teachers after [parent-teacher] conferences came up to me after class and said ‘there’s nothing that makes me sadder than a mother who has no respect for her daughter,’” Park said. “I was like wow, that’s my mom.”
Another Seaholm student, senior Adam Small, griped that “even this year my dad didn’t let me take some classes that I wanted to, in fear that colleges will rescind my acceptance.”
Helen Johnson, a parental consultant and author of Don’t Tell Me What to Do: Just Send Money, believes that helicopter parenting is growing at an alarming rate.
“Absolutely, it’s been growing since about 1985, and I don’t see it letting off at all,” Johnson told the Highlander. “It’s actually intensifying.”
According to Johnson, “Parents perceive the world of children and young adolescents as dangerous and they’re very concerned about safety, so that creates a parenting style that tends to hover more over a child.”
Principal Terry Piper said that while he doesn’t believe Seaholm has many problems with parents, he too is distressed when he sees “helicopter parenting.”
“On a rare occasion, I’ll get a parent who is a little too pushy and a little too involved,” said Piper. “In that case it’s unfortunate, because the best thing they could do for their son or daughter, in my opinion, is to let their son or daughter work it out themselves.”
In athletics too, the occasional parent will cross the line, says Seaholm football coach Chris Fahr. In situations where parents contact him about playing time, Fahr says that it ultimately hurts the student-athlete.
“What I find the funniest is that the kid a lot of times isn’t even mad, because he understands that the people in front of him are better than him, he gets it,” said Fahr. “But a lot of times the parents say ‘don’t tell them I was emailing you.’”
Even as students transition to college, helicopter parents continue their stronghold on the lives of their kids. Seaholm teacher Scott Craig, whose wife is a professor at the University of Michigan, says that colleges are seeing an increase in negative parental influence.
“This is even a problem that goes beyond high school now,” said Craig. “They are now having an increasing problem at the university level with parents trying to fight the student’s battles, and once you’re 18 and admitted to the university the professors can’t even divulge information to the parents.”
Gabe Santi sees this trend at Michigan State University, where he is the Assistant Director for Marketing and Communications.
“In a general sense, parents are more involved than 10 or 20 years ago,” said Santi.
Despite much of the negative attention helicopter parents get, a recent study released by Indiana University shows parent involvement at the college level isn’t all bad – in fact it seems to be mostly positive.
“Compared with their counterparts, children of helicopter parents were more satisfied with every aspect of their college experience, gained more in such areas as writing and critical thinking, and were more likely to talk with faculty and peers about substantive topics,” Indiana professor and survey director George D. Kuh told the Washington Post in a November 5, 2007 article.
Even the College Board, which administers the SAT and Advanced Placements tests, says that helicopter parents are a rarity, and many parents look to find a “healthy balance” of involvement with their kids. They also offer a quiz for parents to help determine whether or not they are over-involved with their kid’s lives.
Terry Piper reiterated that “the parent involvement at [Seaholm] is 99% positive because they do so many things for us.”
Seaholm senior Ted Howard is one example of a student who appreciates all that his parents do to help him along the way.
“[My parents] support me and they want me to do my best,” said Howard. “They hold me to a high standard but it isn’t unnecessary and it will ultimately help me to be successful in the future.”
According to Seaholm psychology teacher Rochelle Rogers, problems begin to arise when parents stop offering constructive help to their kids, and instead cater to their every wish.
“My best friend in high school, her mom or dad called her in 3 or 4 times a week,” said Rogers. “She’s 36, she still lives off of her parents, and she’s never had a full-time job.”
These parents, who sometimes throw ethics and sportsmanship out the window, are not absent at Seaholm.
“I texted my dad for an answer that I thought he would know during a test,” one anonymous senior told the Highlander. “He responded with the answer.”
Another Seaholm father recently told his senior daughter, who wished to remain unnamed, that he was going to call the Dean of Admissions at her college of choice to try and secure the “best deal.”
“I told my dad no, I’m not letting you do that,” said the student. “I told him if he was going to [call the Dean of Admissions] I was not going to college and I would get the tuition myself and pay for it myself the next year.”
“I am concerned about parents who are tampering too much with the lives of kids, who need to become more independent,” said Dr. Mel Levine, professor of pediatrics at the University of North Carolina Medical School in Chapel Hill.
“Cell phones are a big part of the problem,” said Levine. “I worry that students will not be able to function as well as adults, having been hovered over by parents for far too long.”
Seaholm math teacher Thad Wilhelm echoed Levine’s thoughts.
“We all want what’s best for our kids, but I think routinely smoothing things over for them is shortsighted,” said Wilhelm. “Self-reliance, perseverance, and patience are valuable and desirable, but all are potentially undermined when children are not compelled to develop an internal sense of responsibility and accountability.”
“Bottom line,” said Rogers. “If you make excuses or try to give someone something that they didn’t earn or shouldn’t have, I think you give them an elevated sense of self confidence and when they go somewhere in the real world they don’t make it.”
